Just call me Lloyd Bridges...or not!

I hate to blow my own horn, but I managed to pass the basic scuba course this past weekend. It was pretty touch and go with the 200 yard swim, me not being in exactly boot camp shape. I did it with an olympian qualifying time of about 24 hours and 20 minutes. My instructor was a little sarcastic, saying it was the first time the swim had to be timed in light years. But I did make it. The underwater stuff started on Saturday, and consisted of several skills designed to keep the foolhardy from trying anything as stupid as breathing underwater. Strangely enough, the main skill, breathing, I was very good with. For some reason, breath is important to me. Call me old fashioned.
One of my other "issues" was buoyancy. Evidently, divers are not supposed to crawl along the bottom or float around at the top. The way it was explained to me, the idea is to float along above the bottom but not go to the top. This is harder than you would think. At least it was for me. I guess buoyancy is God's way of saying, "you moron, I made FISH to breathe underwater. If I wanted you to do it, I would have given you gills!" Because of the natural tendency for human beings to float, my wife Sandy being the only exception, a diver needs to add weight to himself or herself to stay underwater with an air tank and a vest that has a bladder that gets filled with air from the tank so as to offset the weight a little bit. Seems kind of stupid doesn't it? That's what I thought.
Anyway you need to tinker with the weights worn on a belt, your natural buoyancy, and that provided by the air tank by using the bladder, inside a vest, that you add to and remove air until you have it just right. That is you hang kind of suspended above the floor but below the surface. This is where I had trouble. Those of you that know my technical skills can understand why I either sank to the bottom like a major boulder or, did my own impersonation of a champagne cork on New Year's Eve.
Most of the various other skill tasks I managed to handle pretty well. However, one word of warning for anyone thinking of taking up scuba. The equipment weighs a ton, maybe two. You really notice it when you come out of the water the first time after having spent about an hour underwater, where it feels like nothing, and trying to not topple over like you've been shot.
I guess the advice is that you youngsters better do the physical stuff now. When you wait until your later years, whenever you do something slightly strenuous you have serious aches and pains for several days. Anyway, gotta run, and see if we have any 5 pound tylenol laying around the house.

Love,
Dad