Just call me Lloyd Bridges...or not!

I hate to blow my own horn, but I managed to pass the basic scuba course this past weekend. It was pretty touch and go with the 200 yard swim, me not being in exactly boot camp shape. I did it with an olympian qualifying time of about 24 hours and 20 minutes. My instructor was a little sarcastic, saying it was the first time the swim had to be timed in light years. But I did make it. The underwater stuff started on Saturday, and consisted of several skills designed to keep the foolhardy from trying anything as stupid as breathing underwater. Strangely enough, the main skill, breathing, I was very good with. For some reason, breath is important to me. Call me old fashioned.
One of my other "issues" was buoyancy. Evidently, divers are not supposed to crawl along the bottom or float around at the top. The way it was explained to me, the idea is to float along above the bottom but not go to the top. This is harder than you would think. At least it was for me. I guess buoyancy is God's way of saying, "you moron, I made FISH to breathe underwater. If I wanted you to do it, I would have given you gills!" Because of the natural tendency for human beings to float, my wife Sandy being the only exception, a diver needs to add weight to himself or herself to stay underwater with an air tank and a vest that has a bladder that gets filled with air from the tank so as to offset the weight a little bit. Seems kind of stupid doesn't it? That's what I thought.
Anyway you need to tinker with the weights worn on a belt, your natural buoyancy, and that provided by the air tank by using the bladder, inside a vest, that you add to and remove air until you have it just right. That is you hang kind of suspended above the floor but below the surface. This is where I had trouble. Those of you that know my technical skills can understand why I either sank to the bottom like a major boulder or, did my own impersonation of a champagne cork on New Year's Eve.
Most of the various other skill tasks I managed to handle pretty well. However, one word of warning for anyone thinking of taking up scuba. The equipment weighs a ton, maybe two. You really notice it when you come out of the water the first time after having spent about an hour underwater, where it feels like nothing, and trying to not topple over like you've been shot.
I guess the advice is that you youngsters better do the physical stuff now. When you wait until your later years, whenever you do something slightly strenuous you have serious aches and pains for several days. Anyway, gotta run, and see if we have any 5 pound tylenol laying around the house.

Love,
Dad

News on the rabbit front

I guess I'll never make it as a vet. After about 2 hours on a heating pad, the bunny was up and running around like lobbyist at a congressional convention. Rescue person said to let it loose in area with cover so after considering alternatives decided to release it in ivy behind our house. That deceision came after I saw what must have been a litter mate playing in the back yard. Anyway, Sandy, who gave it a few drops of cream just to be on the safe side, released it in the ivy and it could be seen checking out the back yard on the fringe of the ivy, along with his mate scurrying around checking things out. Just for icing on the cake, I saw the mother rabbit, I assume anyway, also in the back yard around sundown checking things out. So looks like all's well in bunny land. Could be a kiddie book in there somewhere.

Is it semi or bi?

I had my semi annual or bi annual trip to the doctor Monday. I can never get that straight. I go every six months or there abouts. This past trip was particularly important as it was the last chance for Dr. Mike to get me out of SCUBA classes. No such luck. I am not exactly fit as a fiddle, but maybe as fit as a fiddle that weighs as much as Nebraska.
Anyway, my cholesterol is great, which shows you what better living through chemistry can do these days. I take a Vytorin the size of a basketball so I should be pretty good in the cholesterol department. Blood pressure is under control as well. Everyday my breakfast is cholesterol and blood pressure meds over easy. I guess I'm paying the piper for my past life as a pork chop tester for Hormel.
The one thing that I didn't have done this trip, thank God, is the old prostate exam. We all know the horror stories so I won't go into that. However, my sphincter just tightened up like it had a lemon inside, just thinking about it. Since I have that done in December, I guess it is Dr. Mike's xmas present for me. I'd prefer a tie.
I'm not sure why the medical profession is so concerned about that one area of my body all of a sudden, but I also found out I'm overdue for my 5,000 mile colonoscopy. Oh joy.
Let's get that subject, er, behind us (Ugh).
I think in my last post I mentioned what a sucker for animals I am. Well, I think it has become all out psychosis. My dog, that I used to like, evidently found a rabbit nest somewhere in our backyard and decided to bring a baby rabbit home as her own little pet. Mind you, I'm not sure whether she thought she should eat it or play with it, but fortunately (I guess it depends on your point of view) she just kind of played with it. I thought sure it was dead when I went out to pick it up with my trusty shovel and hoe, but to my surprise it was still alive. It isn't at all well, but it was alive. I figured it would be a goner by morning and I could pitch it.
No such luck, it was curled up in a ball about the size of a golf ball in the lawn, and still kicking. So I called a rescue person I found on the internet and she gave me the grim news about its chances for survival, and said many times blue jays and crows pick up baby rabbits and carry them from the nests. Sons a bitches!
So now I am trying to nurse a rabbit about a week or two old back to health so I can set it loose in the woods where it will probably get eaten by a damn coyote, bear or alligator. Why me, oh Lord. Those of you that know me know that I handle disappointment about as well as George Bush handles the government. So I will keep you informed on the status of Bugs Bunny and my mental health in general. If this keeps up I will have to add Valium to my breakfast cereal. By the way, I think I get this condition of being a sucker for animals from my kids. It is, I believe, genetic?
Love
Dad